How long can one person remain sane with the constant tug and pull of needs and demands in all directions? How do you decide who and when to push back? It is never easy to scream, “Enough is enough!”
I try to do this now and then, but as an introvert it often means my friends and family bear the brunt as the needs I am most comfortable pushing back on and asking to just leave me alone. But is that really fair? Friends and family are the ones you should be taking time out of your day to appreciate and enjoy, no matter what they need. No matter how worn down you are.
It is wearing, life. Rewarding always, but wearing, too. My fall resolution is to be more selfish. I shall plan meetings that allow me to step away from my desk and walk ten minutes in the sun. I shall not work overtime at the expense of my friends and family. To those who treat me as some unfathomable creature for still grieving, still mourning, I shall not apologize. My grief does not disappear for anyone’s convenience, least of all mine, but that is an honor and a prize that I shall not relinquish.
I don’t mean to neglect others, but to best enjoy others, I must first enjoy myself. If overwhelmed, exhausted and cranky, I shall only run the risk of dragging those I love into the mire and morass of that muddy torment of sticky need and clinging requirement. Once I extract myself, clean up and rest, then I can better distinguish where I can take pleasure in helping and where I must for the sake of work.